Welcome back to Room 4 at Wesley Primary - Term 2!
We have started our Inquiry around "The shaping of our landscape"
Here is the planning for some writing Sopheighra has been working on. She is describing an image of a landscape.
My photo:
My plan:
See
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I see a rainbow that has wondrous lands of beauty drifting across the the place as it sets for vacation.
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Hear
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As i walk past i hear the bluebirds sing and the red robins fling as they fly away.
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Smell
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I smell the summer breeze as it passes me by i wake up in the morning and feel so surprised.
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Feel
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I feel like there’s something i feel so cool i would never stop feeling it cause wherever i go i feel the flow.
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Interesting words
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Flow,summer breeze,fling,wondrous,beauty,drifting.
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Similes/metaphors
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This waterfall is as beautiful as me
Make a smile that will light up the room you're as handsome as a prince
Close your mouth that make the room dark for storytime in bed.
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It was a amazing plan I loved it it was so so beautiful. You added lots of interesting words. I will try to do the same in my writing. You could re-read to check some sentences make sense while you are writing your final description.
ReplyDeleteHi there Sopheighra
ReplyDeleteI like all your interesting words you have. You have lots of discrepant similes. Next time I think you should reread your to make sure it makes sense.
We love the picture you have chosen to write about and the wow words that you have in your plan. Why did you choose the picture of the waterfall? We hope you remember to use capital I's when you do your writing. We can't wait to see the finished writing.
ReplyDeleteFrom Paul Jenning's Literacy groups South Hornby School.
Kia ora Sopheighra,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your writing plan. You have chosen some awesome interesting words and similes and metaphors. I particularly like what you hear - As i walk past i hear the bluebirds sing and the red robins fling as they fly away. I have just spent some time trekking through the Ande Mountains in Peru and I LOVED stopping and listening to the sounds of birds singing. It always makes me happy. Do you notice birds singing anywhere around where you live or your school?
Tania
I Really Have To Comment On This Beautiful Writing I Wish I Can Write As Good A You! Your Writing Blow My Mind With This Kind Of Writing...
ReplyDeleteI Like The Order It Was In, Some Writing, Photo, The Plan And The Smiles/Draft Writing.
Ko Mediana
Hello I'm Brianna from South Hornby School I love how you are describing a photo. The photo is Wonderful and I like the words who have used for your writing. We also have been learning the same type of writing. I really like the sentences which is I see a rainbow that has wondrous lands of beauty drifting across the the place as it sets for vacation. please come and look at my blog.
ReplyDeleteKia Ora, I am Phoebe from South Hornby School. I love your describing words and all the adjectives you had. Maybe you could fix up the "I's" that are by themselves and change them into capitals. This sounds like something I did in real live at hammer springs. Would you like to go there if this was real? Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteHi I am Sophie from Awahono School. I think the photo is beautiful and your writing is too. Maybe next time you can describe the rainbow a little bit more.
ReplyDeleteHi, Isabel here. I like all the description words but maybe next time you should put capital I. but the rest of it is great.
ReplyDeleteHi Sopheighra, I'm Sophie from Awahono School.
ReplyDeleteI really like the describing words that you choose like wondrous drifting. One thing I figured out was that you were using the same words a lot. Maybe you could pick some other great words that have the same meaning. Are you thinking about making another story like this one? Here is the link to my blog if you want to check it out: http://awahonosophieb.blogspot.co.nz/
From Sophie
Hi there Sopheighra, I really like how you described what you see,hear,smell and feel. I like how you put the wondrous words to fit in the sentences.I like the sentence that says I smell the summer breeze as it passes me by I wake up in the morning and feel so surprised. Here is think link to my blog site http://awahonoleahm.blogspot.co.nz/
ReplyDeleteKind Regaurds
Leah from Awahono School
Hi, I'm Deakyn from Awahono School. I enjoyed reading your plan for your amazingly described photo. How long did it take you to think about your great ideas for the photo? I really like your adjectives and similes you've put into your writing. I really liked reading how you described the rainbow in the picture and how you said it was drifting across place. It made me think of a sunny Saturday as the breeze was flowing past. Maybe next time you could talk and describe the waterfalls in the setting. I hope you will be able to visit my blog. From Deakyn
ReplyDeletehi I am Jackson from Awahono School I like the detail in the picture of the beautiful waterfall,but there is one little mistake with the I it needs to be a capital I.
ReplyDeleteHi Sophe, I am Miro from Awahono School. I like your description about the picture and the extra touch about adding about the birds singing. Maybe next time you could say something like "would want to go there some day " or "when I am older I will go there."
ReplyDeleteHi I am Zoe from Awahono School. I like your photo. I like how you have described your waterfall.
ReplyDelete